


Hold What You Love Tight in Your Hand, Never Let it Go

by ProPinkist



Category: Tales of Berseria, Tales of Zestiria
Genre: :'), Angst, Family, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I am very amused that those last two tags are a thing, Pain, Sibling Bonding, also I hate this title so much OTL it took me so long to come up with it and it's dumb, but if you've only played Berseria you can probably still enjoy this, happy birthday Kisara!, have some heartwrenching earth siblings pain as a gift, just because it's closer to Z than B, only 200 years before Z, probably not the other way around though, so much pain, the pain one should be in all my fic tags then, using seraphim and hellions instead of malakhim and daemons, vague spoilers for Berseria and even vaguer for Zestiria
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 09:27:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12009867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProPinkist/pseuds/ProPinkist
Summary: Edna finally reunites with her brother, but not in the way she ever imagined it would go. Now, she has to come to grips with the fact that this is the last time she will ever see him.Together, they grieve.





	Hold What You Love Tight in Your Hand, Never Let it Go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kisara](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kisara/gifts).



> Written for a dear friend of mine on tumblr that I only recently made but who is one of my best friends; I hope you enjoy this, Kisara. <3
> 
> A tribute to Edna and Eizen, the tragic siblings who deserved so, so much better than what they got (and Zaveid with them). In my defense of how I characterize Eizen here, we literally have no canon scenes of them together talking (*screams at Bamco and ufotable for a thousand years*) and so I can only imagine how he would act around her... and even softer and weaker at this critical time. He's so inspiring, so strong and so brave, and despite how determined in his beliefs he is in Berseria-era, I can imagine things would change as more time went on, and when Edna was involved. ;____; They are both beautiful and endearing in their own ways, and they're some of my favorite characters in their respective games, and I love how you can see how clearly they are siblings. :') I wanted to go into more detail in here, but we have so little to go off of, so it was hard. >< But I hope I did them justice. <3 and now I am going to cry for a long while, because everything is too sad and I hurt so much RIP

“………Edna.”

The word, her name, was barely audible, hardly more than a breath, and she wouldn’t have heard it if the cave wasn’t completely silent. But more than by hearing it, was she alerted to the presence behind her simply by feeling it, by _knowing_ , even if nothing had been said at all.

The clothes she had been folding slipped out of her hands with barely a sound, and Edna slowly turned around, rising from her crouched position as she did so, her legs trembling and her hardly daring to breathe. As silly as it was, a part of her was scared; scared that if she turned to look, it would end up that she had just been imagining it all. Could she really be blamed, though? It had been so _long_ , so long that she wasn’t sure if this day would ever truly come, despite having no real proof that it for sure wouldn’t (at least, not for the worst reason of all), and yet, at the same time, no matter how many times she had dreamed about this day, all of those times when she had tried to convince herself in her dreams that they were _real_ , she would _never_ mistake the presence, or the voice, no matter how many hundreds of years it had been, she would _never forget them –_

When she finally caught the first glimpse, she let out a small cry, and the sight was blurred by her eyes welling up, the image of brown and black and silver and purple _(purple?)_ and _blonde_ being all she needed to force her shaking legs into a run forwards.

_“Eizen…!”_

Within moments Edna was at his side, her face and entire body pressed up against his chest, her arms wrapping around him as far as they could reach, pulling him closer to her as she gripped her brother for dear life, unable to stop the tears. After a moment, she felt him return the embrace; that warm, _strong_ embrace that she loved so much, that always comforted her when she was in pain, that always told her how much she was loved, how much _he_ loved her, that always convinced her in that single moment that they never had anything to fear: that she would always be happy, always be safe, in his arms _(was she imagining that sharp sting of pain throughout her though?)_.

“Edna… oh _Edna…_ ”

His hold on her seemed to tremble, just like her own body did, and his voice, although the most beautiful sound she had ever heard, without a doubt, concerned her somehow. Edna tried to look up to see his face, holding him even tighter as she did so, and she barely had time to register his weak smile (that was, similarly, the most beautiful sight in the world)… before suddenly she felt him _falling_ , his weight slumped against her, and she let out a cry of alarm as she held onto him desperately tight, guiding him to the floor of the cave as gently as she could, which was still awkward and quick and rough with how little raw strength she possessed. Once splayed out shakily on the ground, Edna supported his head, her breathing ragged from the sudden effort, her initial first thoughts focusing on nothing but the death grip her brother’s hand had on her own.

She blinked rapidly to clear her mind, vaguely hearing the distant sounds of apologies, and her eyes still blurry with tears, and it was only then, for the first time, that she truly looked at her brother in his entirety.

His eyes were closed, his brow furrowed in apparent discomfort and exhaustion, his clothes weren’t in the neatest condition, and surrounding his body was a not very subtle haze of…

“…B-Brother…?”

“…Be careful of the… malevolence.”

Even as he said this, he moved to raise himself up, and Edna helped him. His words sent a chill through her, and she found it hard to breathe as she realized that she could no longer ignore what she saw, and felt: there was malevolence enshrouding his _entire body_ , weaving around him, and most clear to see along the sides of him. It wasn’t the worst she had ever witnessed… but it was there, and sure enough, she felt it stinging her hands and arms ever-so-slightly, even though, strangely enough, it didn’t seem to feed on her when she pulled away as malevolence was prone to do.

“Ah… that’s good, so he’s doing his job… that’s good…”

Edna jerked her head back to his face, and realized he too was noticing that it wasn’t attaching to her. Pulling her hands to her chest, trembling, she tried to make her voice work, her movement and thought practically frozen by pure, unadulterated _fear_.

“W-What’s going on?! What did you get involved in… Why are you here _now_ …? _(I didn’t think I was ever going to see you again)_ ”

From where he leaned against the cave wall, Eizen’s eyes opened, slowly, though they remained half-lidded, and he stared at her with a face that held a million different emotions, some of which she had never even come _close_ to seeing her brother show, ones that _frightened_ her so very much to see on him, right now _(he looked so **tired** ; she had _never _seen her brother look so utterly drained before)_ , _when he was like this._

“…I’m sorry,” he began quietly, taking her hand again, “that it’s been so long, Edna; I… So much has happened… so much… I don’t even know what to say.” He sighed, looking conflicted, _worried_ , even, and he opened his mouth if to say something, but then seemed to change his mind, closing it. Eventually, his eyes directed away from her, he finally settled with “…I’ve already told you much of things, though; I promise.”

He meant the letters, Edna knew, her throat tightening (she also noticed how he hardly answered any of her questions). It was true; he hadn’t stopped sending them. Her brother had told her of how things had changed over the long years, of his travels with an acquaintance he had made back almost a millennium ago now. He had had other friends back then, but almost as soon as he had told her about them, he had ceased to mention them anymore. Eizen hadn’t been working with the pirates, at least to her knowledge, for almost that entire time either, and she realized with a pang that despite everything her brother had told her all these years, there was still so much he had been through that she wasn’t aware of at all.

“…I still have everything you sent me,” she bit out, staring down at his hands holding hers and watching the purple mar the brown. “The pots, the clothes, the weird other things, like those dolls; I kept it all. Some of it is stupid, but you know, what else am I going to do with them? At the very least… it makes the place less lonely.”

Edna shuffled over so that she was pressed up against his side, and he wrapped his arm around her, letting out a heavy sigh as he pulled her close. It stung again, but neither of them mentioned it _(they couldn’t, at least not yet, and they both knew it)_. “…I’m glad you like most of them.” The smirk was evident in his voice, and somehow, it released some of the tension in her chest, even if only a little, to hear him more like himself again.

“The letters were always more interesting, though.”

Little by little, Eizen told her other things of interest that he remembered from over the years. Random interesting people he had met, smaller things he discovered, minor other adventures he remembered (he still had an extraordinary memory, at least), and this went on for hours, Edna asking for more detail about things she remembered from past letters. His voice was still laced with tiredness, and yet it gained new life, a spark, whenever he started rambling on about something that it especially excited him to recall, and it made Edna smile to hear, her heart warmed by the sound. Some of what he talked about was somewhat lost on her, but she was used to it: Eizen’s letters were ridiculously descriptive and detailed, filled with talk of relics and ruins and antiques, some of which he ended up sending her, and as silly as most of it seemed to her personally, for him, it made her happy. Happy that her brother’s life as a wanderer wasn’t entirely filled with sorrow and tribulations, but with things that brought him much joy, as well.

Let him speak of it all, as much as he wanted, here and now, Edna thought. It was the least she could do for him.

She told him about how she had been carrying on, although there wasn’t nearly as much to say there. It was cold in the winter and the fall, but she was more than warm enough with what he sent her to accommodate for his absence. Rarely did Edna go into towns, but sometimes she did, if only for a change of scenery for once, and to swipe a pastry or other snack from a store (it was easy, with no one being able to see her now, and they wouldn’t miss just _one_ , certainly). She spent more time in the open fields around Rayfalke, enjoying the sun, and often found herself drawing absentmindedly, her favorite pastime (now, she showed some of her piles of art to him, and he took his favorite, one of her and himself together, tucking it into his coat, the slight look of guilt on his face that he tried to hide not missed by her). Living in a cave wasn’t ideal, but they had made it their own, and homey enough, years ago, and she had always made sure it stayed that way, adding what she could to it while he was gone to make it feel less empty, less lonely, without her beloved brother there (helped by the stashes of all of the gifts he had sent her).

She was fine, Edna told him; she had managed. Eizen only nodded, smiling weakly at her, though it didn’t reach his eyes.

Later, once they had been quiet for a while, she insisted that he rest some, not looking him in the eye as she did so. He rather uncharacteristically quietly agreed, and it wasn’t long before Eizen was fast asleep in the makeshift bed that she had never tucked away even all this time, despite how little he had actually used it even when he had been home.

Truly, she couldn’t remember the last time she had ever seen him sleep. Maybe he never had.

Once he was settled, Edna moved back near the mouth of the cave towards her brother’s bag, a bit guiltily. Peeking inside it, she found his reading glasses, an apple, some drink, a small compass, a tiny silver anchor trinket (ah no; it was an earring), a large map, of course, which he had lovingly marked all over… and a journal. Her stomach churned as she opened it, even as she made herself not read any of the contents out of respect, flipping through the pages quickly, finding some to be more crinkled and stained than others. There were numerous drawings, some merely scrawling sketches, but later on, they became more defined, and better. She gasped quietly, surprised at Eizen’s growing talent for drawing with how terrible he had been in the past (then again, he had had a long time to practice, but she never would have expected that he cared enough about such a thing _to_ get better at it… why had he never sent her a drawing with his letters?). Edna unsurprisingly didn’t know any of the people in them, except for the occasional picture of her, but she felt the corners of her lips turn up to see them all (there were _so many_ ), her eyes shining. Besides drawings, there were other things, like snippets of other maps, leaves, and flowers. The page that held the most words (that lead into the next two pages as well) was opposite one with a drawing of someone she hadn’t met but could easily guess who it was, and some beautiful white flowers pressed onto the page, and she rather felt as if they were her favorites in the entire book. Names jumped out at her as she skimmed: _“Aifread”, “Benwick”, “Zaveid”, “Velvet”, “Laphicet”, “Dezel”,_ among many others; all of these were people that her brother had known, that had left an impact on his life in some way, people that he cherished.

She was grateful for that. Ever so grateful.

Once she had seen all she was willing to, Edna closed the book quietly, putting it and the other things back in the bag and taking care to make sure that she hadn’t damaged any of them in any way. Then, she tied it shut, setting it to the side, and turned towards the back of the cave again.

Watching her brother’s sleeping face, somehow both peaceful and pained, and the mist of malevolence covering his body, Edna finally allowed herself to weep.

 

* * *

 

“…You still have it; they’re just as good as they used to be,” Edna said matter-of-factly, smiling as she took more eager (but dainty) bites out of her one of many palmiers.

“Hey, I wouldn’t lose my touch with something like that,” Eizen replied, grinning as he ate one himself. “Believe it or not, I made them every so often for people, though not in the heart shape.”

“Of course not in the heart shape; I can’t imagine you baked things at all without some teasing from those pirates, for being a softie.”

“You’re the _third_ person to imply that just because I was a pirate I couldn’t have a hobby like baking; I’ll have you know that they all _loved_ my cooking on the rare occasions that I was able to make things, and I got more jokes from the unlucky slip-ups I had during it than the actual fact that I liked doing it. Baking is not to be underappreciated –“

They were sitting in Edna’s favorite wide field of flowers near the Spiritcrest, having come here for a picnic that morning with food that both he and her had made (she enjoyed both eating and sleeping even though they weren’t necessary for seraphim, and her brother had gained a taste for at least the former by taking care of her). Eizen had appeared to regain much of his energy by sleeping, to her surprise, and so they had decided to walk here, Edna supporting him by the arm in case he stumbled again, but nothing of the sort happened, to her relief.

Holding onto him still stung, though. Looking at Eizen, too, was painful in a different way. She hated thinking such a thought, but it was the truth.

Edna wondered how long they could go on pretending.

“Tell me more,” she said later, after they had finished eating, as if he hadn’t just given her an entire impassioned spiel about why baking was not so traditionally feminine as (apparently) everyone believed, curling up in front of him and letting him play with her hair with some of the ribbons he had sent her in the past. “I know you’ve told me a lot, but there has to be more little details. I want it to feel like I was really there with you.”

The feeling behind her last statement wasn’t lost on him, she knew, but Eizen didn’t comment on it, pulling out her side ponytail gently. Nothing was different. Nothing was wrong. The shocking sensation near her ear was just her imagination _(maybe if she repeated it enough times to herself, it would come true)_.

“Well… don’t laugh, but… for a long time now, I’ve been trying to draw, like you do.”

“Is that so?” Edna inquired, trying to feign surprise, smiling a little while he couldn’t see it. “Why?”

He let out a breath behind her, clearly not expecting her answer, and spoke after a moment, his voice wistful. “It… helps me remember the people most important to me, and sometimes the most important moments with them. So that I never forget. …It’s also relaxing, somehow.”

“Like you _could_ ever forget anything even if you tried,” Edna drawled back, trying to keep her voice from breaking. “…I… know what you mean, though. It’s the same for me. ……I’d like to see them sometime, if you’d show me… Hopefully my eyes won’t bleed away at the very sight of them, thinking about how your art _used_ to look.”

“Hey, I’ve gotten a lot better since then, trust me!” Eizen laughed, though, and she smiled with him, silently relieved.

“…You still have mine, right?”

“…….Of course I do. I would never lose it, not in my entire life.”

Edna breathed, turning around as ribbons dangled in her peripheral vision, till she was facing him. She reached out, holding his slightly-tarnished silver locket in her hand, opening it with a thumb and kissing the picture of her inside delicately. “There. Now it’s extra good luck.”

She felt rather than saw her brother smile, and he gently put his hand around hers that still held the necklace. It was hard to tell if the trembling she felt came from herself or him (or both).

They walked more, later, holding hands, after he had finished with her hair and she had gazed at it in the nearby stream, happily satisfied. Edna showed him artes that she had mastered from things he had written to her, and she was happy to see how pleased he was at how strong she had become _(she wished she could have used that strength out there, with him)_ , and happy as he showed her even more techniques. Eizen pointed out different plants and animals to her, asking if she still knew the names of them like he had taught her years ago, to which she did. He didn’t want to approach things too closely, but they could still see them clear enough from a distance; Edna couldn’t help but feel sad when the squirrels scattered from them, though.

As they continued on, she picked different flowers they encountered, absentmindedly twining them together into a flower crown, including ones from the field they had been sitting in earlier. Once she finished, near the end of their trek, Edna placed it on Eizen’s head, and the flowers did not die, but instead shown vividly and brightly through the purple mist, as if kept pure by her own touch.

In response, he picked her up and twirled her around, holding her tightly as she laughed, and kissing her head. His smile was beautiful; Edna loved his smile. She always had. She loved his smile, his affection, his voice, and his kindness.

She loved him. She would never stop loving him. No matter what.

_~~(and neither would he)~~ _

“Eizen?”

“Yeah?”

“……Those people you traveled with, forever ago… the two hellions and the seraph and the two humans, the ones you told me about in the most detail. …Was that your favorite part of all these years away from here?”

From on her brother’s shoulders, underneath the starry moonlight as they stood on the precipice of a cliff overlooking water below, she heard him sigh softly.

“…….Not quite, but close. Close enough.”

He paused for a moment, letting out a quiet cough.

“The one that led us… Velvet… and the young seraph I watched grow and mature throughout the short time we all spent together, Laphicet… they both followed their hearts, and went to places beyond death, and beyond life. I was a little sad to let them go. But I was proud to walk with them, and the others, and see them take control of their lives.”

Edna’s throat tightened at hearing his words, managing to smile sadly. Reading her brother’s letters over the years, and listening to him talk today, she had finally slowly but surely understood what kind of person he was. What he valued, _who_ he valued, and why that group he had been with, as short as that time was and as little as she knew about them, inspired him so and had made him as happy as they had.

Her brother loved life, and people who could live their lives in freedom, just as he wished to. It was no wonder he left, when she really thought about it.

“I wish I could have met them,” she whispered, not trusting her voice to speak normally. “Them, and your pirate crew too.” _I wish I could have been with you instead of here._

“……I know. I’m sorry.”

“…I’m sorry too.”

“Edna?”

“For them. For the pirates. …For Aifread. …I’m sorry.”

Eizen remained silent for a long while. Edna waited as long as he needed to answer (she was used to waiting forever, after all).

“…I try not to regret, or more specifically, not to dwell on regrets. …But letting Aifread die was always the one thing… that I...”

“Brother…”

There wasn’t anything she could possibly say, without knowing the circumstances, and _with_ knowing about the one thing about Eizen that would make reassurance meaningless, she was sure. That was why he never dwelled on the death surrounding him, knowing that.

She could hardly stand it, though.

“...Do you think… people are conscious somewhere, up there, after they die?”

The words felt uncharacteristic of Edna as soon as she said them, as she reached up towards the starry sky, because such illogical thoughts were foolish, and stupid, and how could such a heaven exist when their gods were so cruel to them, seraphim and humans alike? They were _so_ cruel, not helping them in their suffering (that wasn’t to say that humans couldn’t be incredibly stupid as well, practically asking for the punishment they get, and she hated them too, but _some_ things weren’t their fault, she wasn’t stubborn enough to not admit), and instead giving them curses to deal with, and hellions, and _drag_ –

“………I don’t know. I… hope so.”

“I hope so too, B-Brother.”

Silence reigned over them.

After a few more moments, Eizen sat down slowly, and she stepped off his shoulders, sitting beside him now in the grass. As dark as it was, the moonlight was beautiful and bright, and it sparkled off of the water they could see, blue and shining and as comforting as it was slightly ominous. Being in the middle of the night as it was, the silence was so tangible that Edna feared that if she so much as breathed, it would be ruined.

She didn’t want to ruin it. This peace, this happiness, this feeling of comfort, with him by her side.

_(But she had to break the illusion; otherwise neither of them would ever have a chance at finding some sort of peace)_

“…Edna, I –“

“Don’t say anything.”

Trembling, Edna reached out. Gripped his sleeve, felt her hand sting. Now her eyes were stinging, as well.

“………I hate you, y-you know that?”

Eizen said nothing. The only sound from him was his ever-present labored breaths.

“You… D-Did you really think I wouldn’t know? Wouldn’t f-figure it out? Wouldn’t **_see_** _?_ Did you really think you could just show up here all of a sudden again after leaving me alone for so long, right b-before… and pretend that _nothing was wrong?!”_

Edna abruptly stood up, walking away a distance, tripping over her boots awkwardly. Her umbrella was laying nearby, and she grabbed it, spinning it in her familiar position. Having it had always kept her feeling grounded in the past, somehow.

“…This… This is because of some sort of curse you have, right? That’s why all that bad stuff happened to us… to you.”

He started to say something, but she didn’t let him.

_“Why did you never tell me this was going to happen to you?!”_

She hated crying. It was ugly, and unpleasant, and hot, and weak, and inconvenient, and was good for absolutely nothing in the end, and yet she couldn’t stop it, as Edna squatted to the ground, more tears falling than she had ever let shed in her entire life, because she hated hated _hated_ and everything hurt so much and neither of them deserved this and _how could this be happening, how could she have_ let _it happen, and how could she go on without –_

“………I didn’t want to hurt you.” Edna wanted to scream, especially at the tone of his voice. “I didn’t… even think I was going to be back here, now. …But I got talked into it.”

“…You… you w-weren’t… going to c-come back…?”

“…………”

Edna couldn’t breathe. All she could do was cry more.

“………All those letters you sent me… They made me really happy, y-you know?” she eventually whispered, hoarse. “I missed you… so much… so I was happy to hear from you in some way, even if I really just… wanted to be with you… But I was happy to hear about what you did, happy once you started telling me more than you used to, like about those people you were with, and about your work, and your passions, and everything else… And… And I was even happy when you finally told me the truth: that you didn’t just leave to keep me safe, but also because you _liked_ being out there… and that you wanted it to stay that way. I always knew it, deep down… and I was upset, and I was jealous, and conflicted… and that’s why I never answered, because I didn’t know how to a-ask you to come back when I knew that being out there made you so _happy_ … and I always _wanted_ you to b-be happy, more than anything……. And yet—!”

Then there was force from behind her, sudden and heavy, and Edna dropped her umbrella, gasping as Eizen grabbed her from behind. He pulled her close, his hold tight and firm and yet soft and warm and trembling and _overwhelming_ , and she could barely notice the stinging from the malevolence, as she bowed her head, continuing to weep and listening to Eizen’s shaky breaths, and wished that this was nothing but a horrible, cruel nightmare that she would soon wake up from _(she wanted him here, but not like **this** )._

“Y-You’re such an idiot, Eizen, a big _idiot_!” _I’m an idiot_. “H-How could you go all this time, knowing this, and never telling me…?!” _I should have figured out; I knew he had a misfortunate blessing of some kind, so it’s only natural this would happen._ “I know you said y-you didn’t want to hurt me, but didn’t you ever think about how I’d feel if I found out all of a sudden, in such a cruel way? Didn’t you ever think about… how lonely I’d be… if I went forever and ever and ever waiting to finally see you again, not even realizing until the letters stopped that I’d l-lost you, and not even knowing _why_?!”

_I’m so cruel._

_I’m such an idiot._

_What kind of sister is so blind to her own brother’s suffering?_

_Why couldn’t I help him when he needed it? Now… it’s too late._

“B-Brother,” she sobbed, turning around and pushing herself into his stomach, her voice rising and breaking like it had so many times now. “Please… please t-tell me… a-aren’t you scared? Aren’t you sad? I know… I know you’re strong, and I know you can handle yourself, and I _know_ you wanted to keep me safe, b-but I… I wish you would have told me… I-I wish I could have helped you, I wish you could have _trusted_ me to help you… I would have done _everything_ I could to protect myself, Brother; I just wanted to be by your side, no matter the danger, I didn’t care! I _don’t_ care! All I wanted… all I’ve ever wanted… _was to be with you and love you!”_

_I’m so cruel._

_I’m so useless._

_All I’m doing is making it harder on him… I finally truly understand why he left._

_It was all because… of me._

“…I’m sorry.”

 _“Don’t apologize!”_ Edna cried, hardly able to speak anymore, hardly able to _breathe_. “P-Please… don’t… not you… not _you_ — _”_

“You’re right……. I’m a fool, aren’t I, Edna?”

Eizen’s voice was soft, and weak, and strained, and pained, and she could tell, from the way it sounded, that for the very first time in all the time she had known him, her brother was crying. He was crying, and her heart broke into a thousand pieces at the sound, the most heartbreaking sound she had ever heard in her life.

“…Aifread taught me how to live with my curse. Showed me that it was a part of me, something that defined me, something that I could _own_ , and own it I did, as best as I possibly could. I left here searching for a way to break it, a way to keep from hurting you whenever I was with you… and instead, I found a purpose, the thrill of a never-ending adventure, and the feeling of having good friends who would always cherish me no matter who or what I was.”

“…I-I’m glad,” Edna managed, despite everything, smiling just a bit, even if all she really wanted to say was _you weren’t hurting me, back then; you **never** hurt me, dear brother._

“…It was an important part of my life, a creed that I’ll never forget the value of, and one that I continued to hold onto even after my time with the pirates was over,” Eizen continued, and she could hear the bittersweet, fond, determined, and emotional smile in his voice. “But… as strong as I was…” and it was here that he stopped, clearly struggling to go on, and Edna squeezed him as tightly as she could, her heart aching beyond belief. “…I couldn’t… I couldn’t beat it entirely. I can’t… I won’t be able to, in the end. And I think… a part of me always guessed that, deep down… and that’s why I…”

Her brother trailed off, letting out a sob, and she sobbed too, holding him. It was all Edna could do for him anymore, hold him, even if she wished so desperately, so disconsolately, that that wasn’t the case.

“…Edna. I love you. I’ve loved you from the moment I first saw you, first met you, when you were so small that I could hold you in my arms, and watch you laugh and cry, as you held onto my fingers in your tiny hands, and I first realized that you were my sister.” Eizen put his hand on the back of her head now, pulling her close and stroking her hair, and her body tingled all over from the malevolence but Edna could hardly notice it, not when she was weeping so much and yet so comforted by the feeling of his hand caressing her. “…Not matter what I saw, who I met, what I experienced, out there on the sea, and on the land, I have never loved any of it more than you. Nothing has ever brought me greater joy… than you. A-And that’s precisely why… I could never bring myself to come back. …I didn’t… didn’t know what to _do_ ; I wanted you to know how much I loved you and remembered you, even though I knew letters were a pitiable replacement for me being there with you… but I also couldn’t come back… because I knew… that all of my resolve would falter and crumble away if I did… j-just like it is now… and I was foolish and horrible enough to think that it wouldn’t be as hard on you when the time came if you forget what it felt like having me around… if you forgot about me once I could no longer write.”

_“Eizen…!”_

“I’m sorry, Edna.” He sunk to the ground, and she fell with him in an unceremonious heap, never letting go of him even a little, as he never let go of her. “…I’m so sorry… for being such a selfish brother… I-I’m so _sorry_ for leaving you all alone, for not being brave enough to keep you by my side and protect you, so you would be spared from loneliness at least until now… I always thought that what I had decided was right, and the happiest way that I could live… but distancing myself from you, even if to spare us both pain… was the worst decision I ever could have made.

“I know it does little good to say this now… but there wasn’t a day that went by in all of those long years that I didn’t think of you, Edna. …And I’m so sorry…” His voice broke, but Eizen pushed through it (just as he always pushed through, no matter how much it hurt him). “…I’m so sorry I’ve only now returned to you, like this, before I’ll have to leave you once again.”

Edna didn’t know how long she sat there after that, holding her brother and crying her heart out, with him crying with her. She wept for his happiness, the happiness he found exploring and traveling and researching and sailing, out there, and the happiness and love and guidance he found with so many people, including a band of pirates, of all things. She wept for the cruel tragedy that never ceased to interrupt that happiness, that always led to danger, and more often, death of people he cared about (she knew from the tones of some of his letters that he had lost so, _so_ many, more than any person should ever have to lose), as well as the smallest and silliest things his curse didn’t even let him revel in, viscous as it was. She wept for his kindness, and excitement, and seriousness, and intelligence, and loyalty, and _courage_ , and also for all of his flaws, as human as he was, despite being a seraph.

She wept for Aifread, and the other pirates, and for that group nearly a millennium ago, and anyone else she could think of, even though she had never met a single one of them.

Most of all, Edna wept for his love: the love that he never once stopped giving her, despite how much he struggled, despite how lost and alone he was, and despite how guilty he felt. His fear, his _humanity_ , kept him from being able to come to her, and yet he never forgot about her, and forever made sure that she knew he didn’t.

Eizen loved her with all of his heart, and had never, ever stopped. And that’s what made Edna cry the most to realize.

Along with her brother’s hoarse admittance to her under that beautiful but cruel moonlit night that he was just as scared to die as she was to lose him.

 

* * *

 

They made it back to the cave that night, somehow, exhausted and emotionally drained, though Edna barely remembered the journey. Once back, they both slept through what remained of the night, and she let her brother sleep through the next day and night as well, watching over him and making him as comfortable as she possibly could in his sleep.

After all, she knew there couldn’t be much time left. Until then, she would support him and care for him as best she could, even as she lowered herself so far as to silently and desperately pray to the sky for help, for a way to save him, even as she knew deep down, as he had told her, that no way existed (and yet she didn’t think her denial would ever truly lift, even if she eventually saw it with her own two eyes) _._

In the middle of the third night, Edna awoke to hear her brother softly singing. She crawled into his lap and let him sing to her songs of love and bonds and far-off places in his beautiful, rich, voice, which held not a trace of weakness now, as she did often when she was little, her eyes now closed with tears escaping from them, ones of both sorrow and peace.

The next day, Eizen spent with her as well. Once again they ventured outside, walking as far as they could go to have enough time to make it back by nightfall. Normally, Eizen told her, he and his companion(s) would hitch rides on carriages and similar transports since they weren’t visible anymore (and Eizen still sometimes stowed away on ships for a spell, yearning for the sea once again after so long of no longer being a pirate), but that it no longer became possible for him to interact with places and things that bred malevolence once his condition had grown as bad as it had. But even though they couldn’t travel as far on foot, and to many varied places, Eizen took her all the same. He walked with her, and carried her, and talked with her, even as his breaths grew heavier, and even as he let out a rare cough from the thick mist enveloping him, and never once stopped.

Edna knew that if he had had enough time, and enough strength, he would have taken her to the ends of Glenwood and back, until she had seen everything there was to see.

And that night, when her brother did not move to sleep despite how tired he was, Edna understood.

She gave him food, imploring him to eat as much as he could (food did nothing for seraphim like it did for humans, but it did bring them happiness and comfort, and that was what mattered to her more than anything), as well as sternly telling him to sleep whenever he could, and to not push himself (it was a miracle she could even be stern, but, for Edna, her brash personality was the best way she could be strong; Eizen knew it, as he always had). She gave him other things too, things that she knew he logically had little need or use of but that Eizen accepted all the same, silently understanding that it made her feel the slightest bit better for him to do so. Lastly, she gave him another picture, a new one she had drawn of herself recently, for him to keep along with the one he had taken the first day.

When she hugged him, the tears began once again, though Edna did not beg him to stay, as much as she fervently wished to, and as much as she knew Eizen knew she wanted to. Him staying would only delay the inevitable, and both of them knew it, as much as it hurt so, so, incredibly much. He held her close, as she did him, and she tried with every fiber of her being and every inch of her heart to feel past the disorienting and painful sensation of the malevolence, and memorize her brother: what he smelled like, what his warmth felt like, what his voice sounded like, what his singing sounded like, what his laugh sounded like; Edna tried to remember it all.

She owed it to her brother to remember him. At the very least, if she could do nothing else for him, she could remember him, and never stop loving him _(and remember what it felt like to be loved by him)_.

Eizen kissed her on the head, moving away from her, and dried her eyes, after what felt like an eternity. She told him how much she loved him, even knowing anything she could ever say in such a short amount of time would never be enough to show it. And he told her the same:

_“I will always love you, as I always have, no matter what happens to me, no matter how my body may change and no matter where I may go; this, I promise you._

_“Farewell, my Early-Bloomer flower, Hephsin Yulind, my beloved sister.”_

And then, just like that, he was gone, like a breeze on the ocean.

 

* * *

 

The next morning, Edna discovered Eizen’s journal tucked inside his bedroll, along with a lengthy letter stuck to the front of it.

_“Dearest Edna,_

_In truest fashion, I couldn’t say everything I wanted to tell you in my goodbye in person. So I’m writing this now for you to see after I’ve left. Selfish though I may be, I am most comfortable sharing my feelings in writing, and even then, it always takes me too long to say everything I should have; you know that better than anyone. Even at the end, I don’t have the courage to stay with you until the fated moment arrives, even though my fear would be the most assuaged knowing that you were by my side, because I couldn’t bear it if you were to get hurt in the chaos. I also couldn’t bear it knowing you would be watching. …Even still, having said all that, I am sorry that I couldn’t give you my remining days. Foolish as I was, I could only give you four, and I will always regret that I wasn’t brave enough to stay will you for all of those years, instead of only then coming to you, when about to meet my fate._

_I’m sorry. No words can ever be enough to tell you that, even as I am grateful for the happiness I was able to find in the great, vast world. I wouldn’t give up that life for anything, for it taught me so many things that helped me become the person I am today, but if I had had you with me, no matter the danger, no matter the worries, I would have been the happiest Reaper of all. You could have handled it, strong and brave and smart as you are; I suppose that I was always a little too protective, and, well, a little too scared._

_But, alas, this is how my tale went, and how it will end. Within the time I have left, I’m going to attempt something stupendous – and yes, foolish. But there’s no reason for me not to go all out anymore, and if I can do this, I will not only have greatly lessened some of the suffering in this era, but also will have avenged the last person I traveled with that I could call a friend – by doing what he could not. It will be my last hurrah, the biggest rejection of my curse there is – and in the end, it will most likely do me in. But if I can succeed, then I’ll be satisfied. …I suppose that’s part of it, also: I can’t afford the thought of not going out with a bang. I know what you’ll think at this, and you’d be right. …But I need this now, even so; for his sake, and my sake._

_And for yours, of course._

_It feels insufficient to say now, after all the mistakes I have made… but thank you, Edna. Thank you for everything you gave me: for your love, for being my sister, for giving me hope, for giving me courage, for_ everything. _Even when I was apart from you, I never forgot what it was like to be with you; to see your smile, to see your laugh, to see your beauty as you grew up, your intelligence, and yes, to experience your snark. Your personality is and was my favorite thing about you, and I never want that to change._

_Keep being you, Edna. Stay strong, stay smart, stay kind… I know how hard it will be; no words can ever be enough to describe how hard I imagine it will be. …But selfish me has to ask you to promise me that you won’t give into hatred, or despair, for my sake. When you feel lonely again, someone will be there to help you; Zaveid, my traveling companion for so long now, can be irritating, a hassle, and immature, but I have never met a single person besides him who is more keenly and painfully familiar with loss as I am, and although he has made his peace about things with me, I don’t doubt that he will understand your feelings well… if you run into him, let him keep his promise once he is ready, please, Edna. You’ll understand what that means if and when the time comes. (And if he ever starts spouting talk of marrying you, or tries to lay a hand on you in that sort of way, make sure he knows how unappreciated it is. I don’t doubt you will)._

_And who knows who you will meet in the future, as well, ready to support you and guide you just like I always tried to, even if I didn’t succeed as well as I should have. Who knows what places you’ll see, people you’ll meet, and things you’ll find, once you’re ready to go out there. That’s what I hope the most for you: that one day, you’ll be able to explore the world just like I did, and find things to love in it, just like I did. The world may be cruel, and merciless, and painful sometimes, but despite that, there is also beauty, and kindness, and wonder, and love to be found in it as well. I experienced both throughout my life, but thanks to you, and Aifread, and the pirates, and the first “Lord of Calamity”’s group, and so many others, the joys outweighed the sorrows. My life could have been so much worse, if I had wallowed in my despair instead of finding hope, but because that didn’t happen, because I found my own creed and followed my own course, I can’t entirely be unhappy with this end. There are things I could, and some I do, regret, but there are an equal amount of things I am grateful for as well._

_These joys, these wonders, these people, are out there, waiting for you too, Edna. All you have to do is find them, and when you do, you reach out and take them by force, and never let them go. I promise you, as someone who has walked that path, there is no life more rewarding, more satisfying. I only wish I could see everything you discover._

_I wish I could say more, but I know no amount of time in the world, and no words, would be enough to entirely express my feelings to you. But I hope, that even though your brother left you alone and lonely for so long, that you found happiness with me, just as I found happiness with you. I’m leaving you my journal, since I’ll have no need for it anymore soon, which tells you all of my thoughts throughout my adventures in even more detail than I ever told you, so you could see how I felt in ways I was never able to tell you myself. It also has all of those drawings in it you wanted to see – hopefully your “eyes won’t bleed away” at the sight of the earlier ones, as you so succinctly put it._

_I love you, Edna, and I always will. Thank you for being my sister._

_Your brother,_

_Eizen_

_Ufemew Wexub_

_P.S. I know you already knew, but never let go of your little umbrella friend; as long as he’s there, he’ll keep you safe. He promised me as such, long ago, and he will always be loyal to you, as he always has._

 

* * *

 

Many years later, Edna stood on a precipice overlooking the ocean, in a rocky, grassy terrain named after the most infamous pirate in history. Her long hair flowed behind her as she let two flowers, one red bearing her name, and the other white, drift off through the strong wind and into the sea.

**Author's Note:**

> Eizen's final letter is referring to something I read in some outside material that states that he traveled with a Shepherd in the later years who eventually ended up dying, and then Eizen took down the Lord of Calamity in that era which led to him finally dragonizing (really wish this would have been shown in either of the games or the anime...). Additionally, I don't know if Baird Marsh in Berseria (where Aifread dies; it's covered in all of those white flowers) still exists in Zestiria era like some of the locations in Berseria do, but I'd like to think that it does, and that those white flowers hold significance to Eizen because of that (and later Edna). And it should go without saying where Edna is at the end, if you know Zestiria well enough. :)


End file.
